Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It's been a while since I've had time to write on either of these, mainly because work has become so bad that I constantly feel like a chicken running around with no head. Just a warning, this will be a doosey of a post.

So I’ve decided I’ve become too bitter and cynical. Actually, I’m bitter and I complain too much. Weird, since I’ve never been a complainer, but I hate how it makes me feel, and ultimately it gets me nowhere, unless I do I go about it in an educated manner and to people who can make a difference. But that’s not the case recently. Work is about as bad as it could get. Twice the workload, half the man-power. So it’s 4 times harder than it was, and it’s never been easy. Still, I enjoy my job. Only I’m harboring quite a bit of resentment towards my supervisor for implementing all sorts of changes, and neglecting us on top of that so he doesn’t see that all of his plans aren't working, but I do understand he’s got his plate full right now. It’s things like that I’ve lost sight of; other people's sides that is. We’re all busy, and my complaining is just making the general attitude worse. I need to find some hope. And if I fall short it’s not for lack of trying on my part, so what more can they ask? I need to communicate with my superiors better. Something someone I work with hit me pretty hard too--more on that later. And while I disagree with her that I signed up for all this, I agree that attitude is very important. The fact is, it wasn’t like this when I started, but I did choose to stay with it when changes started happening. They’ve been happening for a while, just not so drastically as recently. And while what they’re heaping on us isn’t right, I think they’ll realize that soon. I’ve been thinking a lot about switching sections lately; the same thing is stopping me now that has in the past—I love my co-workers, for the most part. In any other section I may encounter good people, but it’s not possible to encounter the quantity and quality of those I already work with, and after all, attitude is important and people you are around help set the attitude.

And so I am implementing a two-fold plan: A) no whining or complaining unless it’s in an constructive manner that takes into account everyone else’s shoes, and B) maintain a positive outlook. Also I guess I could throw in there working like crazy. I’ve become too comfortable taking a lazy pathway as of late, and really I need to remember that I love my field of study, and it’s worth all the pain to learn and grow within it. That’s the main point my co-worker hit me with. It was actually a question, “Do you think you’re cut out for this program?” (the Med Lab Sci program that is). It really kind of stung me, the audacity of that question, and at that moment it felt like she was questioning my abilities, but the more I think about it the less insulted I am. I don’t think it was meant to insult my abilities, because she knows I’m highly competent at what I do, but more as a prod in the right direction. I think it stung so much because I’d been wondering that question myself. And of course when she asked it I immediately felt compelled to rush to my own defense in a slightly combative way--of course I am!—only I was too shocked to be too combative. And the more we discussed it all, the more it made me realize that I need to continually ask myself that. And what I’ve found is that I am cut out for it, if I’m pushing myself as hard as I know I can—I simply need to break out of my indifferent state of mind I’ve found myself caught up in lately. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from distance running, it’s that to be really good you have to put yourself out of your comfort zone, otherwise you won’t get any better, and ultimately you won’t be happy. If you push like crazy, it hurts at the time, but you feel so great afterwards, and you find yourself stronger than you ever thought possible when you first started. I need to do that.

When I first started thinking about that question I immediately got scared and thought back to the time when I had this same predicament with Comp Sci. There I found out that I didn’t enjoy it enough to stick it out, and it took me a while to decide on the the Medical Laboratory Science program. I’ve had little doubts ever since, just because I’m scared of making similar mistakes to those I have made in the past. So I asked myself, did I really know what I was getting myself into? Then I started praying like crazy. That’s something else I need to better implement. Less methodical motions, more feeling put into them. I haven’t been in the place I should be in, due to the stresses of life, in quite some time, but I’m slowly making my way back there and setting my priorities straight. And I’m slowly getting to the point where I don’t feel so alone, so I think it will be easier to bare the difficulties I'm encountering now. But I need to better prioritize, because I do enjoy learning about science, it’s fascinating enough that even when it’s painful to learn I still enjoy what I’m learning. I need to keep an open mindset, and then the joy in learning will balance out the pain in learning. It will still be hard, but if God’s on my side can I really go wrong?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Kind Of A Story, But Mainly Just Longer.

So I'm pretty sure I either just failed my Genetics test spectacularly, or did a fairly decent job on a test I only studied for 2 days in advance. Sadly I think it's probably the former, but at least I managed to wing my way through it in a way that didn't crush my spirits whilst I was failing it. Now I get to write up my post lab and pre lab before my O Chem lab in 3 hours. I hate that lab; the fact that I'm never prepared for it, so it just drags on, plays an important part--but I can't help that. On the bright side, I totally aced my first Organic Chemistry test; I owned that baby. And I only studied for it the night before. I did none of the bookwork, just the practice test, so it's nice to see that some good old procrastination still pays off.

I've recently decided I need to find a way to make my friend Omar's family adopt me. I'd totally convert to being Muslim if I got to eat like I did Monday for 30 days of the year; just kidding. But there was a truck load of food, and it was all amazing. I've never eaten so much without being starving, and afterwards I didn't even feel sick. I should have been home studying, but if I failed that Genetics test because I wasn't, it was totally worth it. It was pretty amazing all around. I learned a lot about why Omar's family came to the US, because apparently they were pretty well off in Jordan (I guess when Saddam Hussein attacked Kuwait they pretty much lost everything because they'd signed a contract to handle shipments for the government), and I also learned more about this guy I work with Zach and his family, who are Muslim and from Egypt (I always see him in passing and we smile and say hello, but I never knew him well before now). Also, I learned more about botany than I thought there existed of botany, from Brian. He's another friend from work who was invited for dinner, and that man could grow the tree of life in the desert, I kid you not. He managed to grow figs in Utah--my point made. I met all of their families too. And did I mention the food? The stuffed potatoes (with a minced meat, covered in a tomato sauce) I love so much were there, beef and lamb kabobs, spiced grilled chicken, lamb and stuffed zucchini in a very thin "yogurt" type soup, salad that consists as much of finely chopped tomatoes and cucumber as it does lettuce--which you mix in with the rice, and speaking of, the biggest platter of rice I've ever seen with cauliflower, eggplant, tomatoes, and almond slivers mixed in... I really do want to move in, and those were only the things where I had any idea of what they were. And we had baked desert that was made with a white cheese base (you can't find it easily here) and shredded filo dough on top dyed orange, with a baklava-type sauce on top. I basically ate for 3 hours straight, only there was a lot of talking as well I guess. Ramadan is a beautiful thing. I love Middle Eastern food. I pretty much imagine Heaven to be like Omar's house--a lot of food, and being surrounded with people you greatly enjoy. His family is so nice, I love it.

Sadly I missed League, but there's always next week. And once I get through this lab tonight life will be good, for a while. I get to go see Yo La Tengo at the Venue tomorrow night, and I have plans on Friday and Saturday with friends I haven't seen for a while, so I'm excited about that. And I have a study plan started that I will implement tomorrow, so things should be good.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I can't make the spell check work for this post.

I might have to start writing in this blog more, because I love the new layout of this baby. Of course, no one reads it, but whatever.

I have yet another test on Wednesday. This is okay because today was my Friday, and I have all of tomorrow to worry about studying. Of course, tomorrow I will in fact worry, so I doubt it will be fine then. And I have my lab Wednesday night. Talk about my idea of somewhere hot and full of fire. This Wednesday will be terrible, but I'm sure I'll get through it, and I'm excited that tonight after class I get to go to a good friend of mine's, from work, for dinner. My friend Omar and his family will be celebrating Ramadan, and I was invited. I might have hinted for the invitation, and my mother would have died at the impoliteness of it all, but he did say he'd invite me last year, and all I really said Saturday was that I'd like to see how the whole Ramadan thing worked. I offered to bring food, he told me they'd take care of it, as I'd be their guest, and now I'm really excited. Omar is one of those people I see and I can't help but smile, no matter how crappy of a day I'm having; he's that nice. And I love his family, and I love Middle Eastern food. And as long as I'm saying I love stuff, I love learning about different cultures. My friend Brian, who I also know from work, and his family will be there too, along with some other people from work that I don't work as closely with, but have met, and who happen to be Muslim as well. I'm a little worried about trying to find his house, though I've been there once before, right after their daughter (who was my friend) Lina died.

I'm going to try to hit a little bit of frisbee first, but we'll see how that goes. As of right now I'm 5 minutes late for my O Chem class.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Media=Bonding

It's amazing how television can bring us together. Ironic, considering it's the major contributor (along with McDonalds) of childhood obesity. I myself watched more tv as a child than hours I could account for in a day. And with that I still managed to traipse about the neighborhood with an imagination the size of Mars, and countless scars from the adventures I contrived to prove it. I climbed trees, I fell out of trees, I built airplanes out of the remains of our old wooden wagon with my sister, I crashed our makeshift plane which was tied to the back of our bikes and sadly lacked brakes, I used my dads screwdrivers as chisels to make countless works of art, and I stole hay from a neighbors empty abandoned field to build forts. But I still caught every popular children's show of the time, and even now I can't watch any 80's Christmas special without the fondest of memories and immediate delight.

My point is that I'm finding a lot of roommate bonding coming from in front of this particular outlet, and it's completely unexpected with our crazy lives and conflicting schedules. But sometimes it's nice to get that release and just to relax. Also, with that relaxed state comes the ability to converse more freely. I have views I didn't realize were there before watching random shows on tv. I think the things that you laugh at, and the things that interest you also do a pretty adequate job of portraying traits of your personality to others. For instance, I just found out that Roommate #2 and I share a deep love of Lord of the Rings, both the movies and the books. And House, and Arrested Development. It turns out our personalities and senses of humor are more aligned than I would have originally thought. And all 3 of us bond over Gray's Anatomy, or Smutty ER as I still like to call it.

With that I have to think back to my last roommate situation. I didn't watch that show before I found out that all of my roommates, save one, were addicted to it. We also did the whole Alias thing, which is the single moment I can attribute to my bonding with Snasia, who I previously didn't know. I asked a stupid question, she made me feel stupid with her answer...at that point we reached an understanding; She could insult me without any worries as to whether I would be offended, because I'm not easily offended, and I could do the same; then we would both laugh about it. And punch each other with Socker Boppers. I only hope my current living arrangement will yield equal amounts of enjoyment, and I have no doubt that movies and television will play an important part.

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